It is no secret that gay men get all of the attention when it comes to fashion. It is an absolute fallacy that all gay men are born with the knowledge of how to dress well (I've known a disaster case or two to disprove that), but it is not a fallacy that many gay women are clueless about how to dress.
There is a certain cross-section of gay women that seems to fall victim to this stereotype most often: those labelled "butch", "boi", "tomboy", or simply put, "non-feminine". (And let me state that this affliction is by no means exclusive to the gay set. Plenty of non-feminine straight women get sucked into the same traps, so this is aimed at them, too.)
If you're wondering how it is possible that so many gay men have figured out the rules of fashion, but the other side of the gay aisle has fallen flat in this area, I can sum it up for you in one word: mentoring. When a man put up his rainbow flag, his gay companions are more than happy to teach him the ropes of how to dress, wear his hair, what cologne to buy, etc.
Gay women don't often get these lessons. If any suggestions are offered to the newly-minted lesbian, all to often, they include suggestions on how to be the perceived opposite of a heterosexual woman (don't shave, neatness isn't always a virtue, showering = optional, and more). Trust me - looking and smelling nice for your partner IS a virtue, and it will help you keep them longer.
Too often, non-feminine women just don't know how to choose clothes that both reflect their inner selves and are flattering to their outer selves. That's ok, I can help.
Because many of you may be shopping in the men's departments of your favored stores, there is one thing that you need to know which may not have occurred to you previously: these clothes were not designed with you in mind. That's the cold hard truth of the matter, and understanding this truth is the first step in learning how to dress yourself better.
Because men's clothes were not designed for you, you cannot just walk in there and choose something you like, and expect it to fit right as well as look good. The exception to this case is if you are very thin, or are built with little in the way of a bust, hips, thigh, or a butt (read: built like a man is). And, if this sounds like you, you can skip this post altogether.
Now, for those that are not any of those things listed in the exception, here's what you need to know about men's pants to adjust for the discrepancies between what the designer imagined and your own reality: men's pants are not designed to sit at the waist or just below it, as women's pants are. Men's pants are designed to sit at the hip, and this is where you should wear them, too.
What does this mean for picking out a size? Well, as you no doubt have already figured out, men's pants don't come in numbered sizes; they are in actual waist/hip sizes. So, you need to know your hip measurement, or the measurement just above the hip, if you want to your pants to sit up there, for your own comfort. This is also ok fashion-wise and may be more comfortable for you, but that is subjective.
You can either use a tape measure to find out your measurement in this area, or you can just start trying on pants until you find the one that fits the way it's supposed to. I recommend the former, since this is a good time to figure out your inseam (the length of your leg, from your crotch down to the floor), which you will also need to know.
A caveat to the inseam issue, though, is that because men's pants are designed to accommodate their extra parts in the crotch area, your inseam and the pants' inseam will (likely) not match. I use it more as a general guideline, with the awareness that I will need a pants inseam that is an inch or two shorter than my body's inseam.
Your hip and inseam measurements will get you pretty far in your pants-buying endeavour. Although, you may have to go through some trial and error when trying them on. If you're shopping online, you may want to order a couple of sizes until you get a feel for how a particular brand of pants fits on you. You can always return the ones that don't work out.
If you are shopping in a store, prepare yourself for some weird looks from customers and salespeople, if you are shopping in a store that is not accustomed to women trying on men's pants. If you are shopping in Kmart, Sears, or even a Macy's, you may get this reaction. You must choose for yourself how you will deal with this possibility. Unfortunately, to avoid this reaction, you may have to go up a little on the price chart for stores where you are not likely to get this reaction.
Here are some examples of stores where I've had the best luck with the service I've received: Eddie Bauer, Gap, and Banana Republic. In fact, the Banana Republic in Shadyside is where I purchased the suit for my wedding, with the help of a very helpful and attentive salesman named Randy. He even helped me figure out why my belts never fit right - when buying a belt, you always buy the size above the size of pants you're buying.
OK, so I think I've covered as many bases as I can. Go forth and put yourself in better-fitting pants, ladies. Soon, we'll be able to turn around the idea that we butch, tomboy-ish, or just-plain-non-feminine women wouldn't know good fashion if we fell over it while looking for the power tools aisle.
Penn
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